Monday, February 7, 2011

You either vomit, or you don't

I have a theory- some people vomit, and others don't, except under the most trying of circumstances.  My wife is also a non-vomiter.  The flu? Diarrhea only for us.  I have never puked from a viral source.  Our son, the same.  I am pretty sure it could be tracked down in a genetic screen, but I have seen no such research.  I'm pretty sure that little Lui will be a vomiter though.  I bet she gets it from my wife's side, as I am pretty sure my bloodlines are vomit free. 

I can vividly remember each time I did vomit, as they came under peculiar circumstances.  Here is a quick rundown:

1. February 1988- Cancun, Mexico.  Fifteen year old Mr. French samples a plethora of tequila shots, and then stunbles into the surf.  Vomit is detected by local fish population.

2.  November 1997- Houston, Texas.  My then-fiance Mrs. French and I went to Houston to see U2 on the POP tour.  I was living in Del Rio, Texas while going to pilot training, and this was absolutely my peak drinking days.  We met a college friend of mine out in Houston, and I consumed about four margaritas.  Here is the kicker- I went to the restroom, and was using the urinal.  I thought it might feel good to let out a huge burp while urinating, and accidentally vomited in the urinal.  It hit the urinal and bounced onto my pants.  Khakis.  Bad move.  And I realized my college buddy was an asshat that talked about Merino wool more than one would expect.

This is a vomit/urinal combo.  I could have used this.

3. New Year's Eve, 1999- St Paul, MN.  I was at Radd and Laurie's house, and I consumed six Paulaner Hefeweizens and about a dozen Little Smokies.  I love the Smokies, but apparently don't chew them that well.  The Paulaner briefly made me bulletproof, then very, very sleepy.  I awoke feeling sick, and attempted to rise and move the 15 feet to the bathroom.  Too far.  I released them in a geyser of red hurl.  Sorry about that, Laurie.

Three times in 38 years.  I'm sure there are a few I don't know about, but I still think that is a pretty good streak. You can also see why I limit myself to two drinks. 

So, how about you?  Any theories?

Mr. French


  1. Oh Mr French do you know what you've done?
    The last time I said something along the lines of "I can remember each and every time that I've vomited and the last one was in blah blah at blah blah" I invoked the Gods of smartarsery and was slain with a weekend of....well you know, blah blah!

    I hope that they were too busy smiting some other poor person and didn't hear your call to arms.


  2. Hehe, Kyle! Thanks for the laugh (again). I'll clean up your puke anytime, so long as that means you'll come here and get silly with us :). Pretty sure I'll keep the little smokies out of the equation.